1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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