So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
