Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
