His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
