My hand turned me down
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
