Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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