Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
