so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
