I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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