you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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