i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize