what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
