I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
this boner is exhausting
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
