i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
