I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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