So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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