You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
