Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
