we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I want a musical about memes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize