Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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