I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
