she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
