So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
