So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize