Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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