when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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