Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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