no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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