Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize