Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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