you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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