the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
