I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize