I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
