i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize