Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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