What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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