I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Can Purell be used as lube?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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