so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
