dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
