do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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