dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
