How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
