and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
