Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
