I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
