That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
