the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
