hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
