I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
