i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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