if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
