I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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