I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
