I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
