You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
