Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize