Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
