His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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