just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
