I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
