i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
