im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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