This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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