Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
